About

I am not a “rules girl” and never was. I am a red lipstick and leather jacket girl, a say what I think and let the chips fall where they may girl, a rebel at heart. And I am a single girl and have been for 7 years and counting.

Today is Valentine’s Day. Again. And I am alone. Again. This epic day of binge-eating and sappy song listening is just a more potent example of the world in which I am living every day. I am 26 years old, I have a great job, I’m smart and confident, I am well liked amongst friends and colleagues, but despite my best efforts, I remain single.

It’s not that men are not attracted to me. I get approached, asked out and cat called. I go out on dates and have a great time. But it’s that second date that eludes me, and this is the great mystery. At the end of the date, he hugs me goodbye and I know that I’ll never hear from him again, but I never know why.

So I am embarking on a great journey. A journey not only for myself, but for the enlightenment of single women everywhere and perhaps even humanity as a whole.

Against all of my instincts, I’m going to follow The Rules (by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider) for a full year. (Or until I get a ring; whichever comes first.) Heels and skirt-clad, I will bat my eyelashes, evade phone-calls and keep my legs crossed. I am doing this experiment to answer once and for all, is there a singular way to behave that is irresistible to men?

The Rules was the No. 1 paperback on the New York Times best-seller list for advice, how-to and miscellaneous books in 1996. The book was a huge phenomenon, some women swore by it and others were deeply offended. I remember watching Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider appearing on Oprah when I was in middle school, and feeling outraged, even then, that this book existed. But my fascination has stuck with me, and I have to believe it’s because deep down, a part of me has always wondered if the rules could actually work. So of all the advice and dating books to choose from, I’ve chosen this one.

I grew up in Westchester with a Jewish feminist mother and an artist father. I have been taught to believe that women and men are equals and should be treated as such; that men will love me for my sense of humor, my strong work ethic, my intellect and my acerbic yet lovable sass. Unfortunately, the lessons I’ve learned from my parents have yet to be effective. Sorry Mom and Dad, I’ve spent the last 26 years just being me, and charming as I may find myself, it seems that men do not.

There is nothing more antithetical to my own belief structure than The Rules. I think they are manipulative, bitchy, chauvinistic, insulting, degrading, and vapid. But do they work? It’s not just a question of finding a man that will marry me, or even date me more than once, but of actually finding a man who is well suited for me despite the fact that I am doing the opposite of what I believe. I’m not going to start dating bankers and lawyers just because I’m doing the Rules. I listen to NPR, work in the arts and watch documentaries. My favorite movie is Evil Dead and Karen O is my style icon. Is it possible that the rules will actually work on the type of dudes I want?

The rules are a combination of ingenious advice and pure misogyny. The idea is essentially that ignoring a man will fan the flames of his desire. So:

• I am not allowed to initiate phone calls and only rarely to call him back.

• I am to end the date first after no more than two hours if it’s a drink, four if it’s a meal.

• I can only stay on the phone with him for ten minutes and must end the phone call first.

• I cannot speak to a man first, and I am not to make eye contact at men in bars; he will approach me if he is interested.

• While on a date, I am not to stare at him and I am not to speak too much or too freely. I cannot talk about the details of my day or divulge any information about myself without being asked.

• I cannot accept a date for Saturday after Wednesday.

• I can only see him once or twice a week for the first two months.

• And no sleeping with him until after month two.

These are just a few examples, but you get the gist. Basically, the colder I am, the more I’ll be adored. It’s the theory that men need to be challenged and are incapable of loving you unless you pose such a challenge.

OK, so enough background. You’ll learn more about me and my journey as I continue to blog about my experiences. Let’s talk about action. First things first, Rule #1 “Be a creature unlike any other.” I’m to wear bright colors, and feminine attire. Low cut shirts and flirty dresses, short skirts “if I have the legs for it.” I’m not to leave the house without full wardrobe, hair and makeup, because every moment spent outside my apartment is an opportunity to meet men. This will be a change. I’m a fan of fashion, and I’m a fan of tee shirts. I like to wear combat boots and skinny jeans. But OK. I’m in. Here goes nothing…

For more information on the book, check out this NY Times article from 1996.